Beginnings and Ends

Writing is therapy for me, it brings healing and peace, it helps me make sense of the jumble of thoughts and emotions that crowd my head and heart. We've had a lot of new beginnings the last few weeks and some difficult endings and I've been meaning to sit down and write all about them and then don't know if I have the courage to record some of those thoughts that drift around in my head.

To begin, I got my sweet husband back on August 12. It was long series of goodbyes for him, leaving those people who he has worked closely with for over five years and grown to love. There was a unique connection with many of them, as they were his support and friends as we experienced all of the ups and downs with Caleb and they were there for us when we had to say goodbye to our sweet boy. It was an emotional rollercoaster for Brian and for them, not knowing if or when he would see any of them again.

The following day, we hopped on a few different airplanes and flew to Maui, HI, where we spent a lot of time together as a family...we were all able to reconnect, Brian had ample time with the kids, snorkeling, swimming and playing in the waves, sometimes I watched from afar, being reminded again and again of the blessings of my family, my children, my husband, saying to myself every once in awhile, "they are really mine" and being able to rejoice in that. Other times I was right down there in the water with them, enjoying them up close, exploring the underwater world with them as we all occasionally spit out salt water. It was a grand trip...we felt a little guilty for staying so long, the kids missing their first soccer games and practices, Sam missing his first week and a half of preschool...my logic in all of the missing was that you are always going to miss something, but you have to focus on what you are gaining instead, what your family will be gaining as you spend time together and all that missing ended up being worth what we gained from the time together...there is sacrifice in all aspects of our lives.

While I was away in Hawaii, I received a call from my Dad. A call we all wish wouldn't have come, a call telling us that my Dad's angel mother, my sweet grandmother had passed from this life into the next. She had done it quickly, no one had a chance to tell her goodbye or their last "I love you." I was heartbroken...there was regret as I had thought to go and see her again before we left, but had not, there were tears and quiet grieving in a setting where I no longer wanted to be...and then there was a long flight home and tiredness all mixed with the emotions of the viewing and the funeral and seeing my angelic grandmother for the last time in this sphere and yet realizing that she was no longer here.

I was able to find peace in her passing as I let my own selfish desires go. She did not suffer, she went quickly as I am sure she wanted and she has been reunited with her husband, her mother and father, her siblings and aunts and uncles and what a sweet reunion I am sure it was for her. She is with our sweet Caleb as well and that brought me peace as well and although I miss her terribly, there is peace that comes as I think of her good life, full of service and unconditional love as well as her firm testimony of the gospel and her grace in enduring to the end.

And so with the beginnings of school and activities for the kids, there were also endings and until we meet agains. How grateful I am for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the knowledge we have of life after death and the eternities, that this life is not the end, but only a step on our path of progression.